I figured this probably warrants it's own journal (may or may not delete later) rather than as a status post or something but last week (to the day, actually) my father died on Thanksgiving at about 8pm.
His health had been pretty bad and just kept getting worse no matter what they did, and at the time he was actually hospitalized and pretty much faced with a, "we cut off your leg, or you will die from this infection within a week" type issue going on (more complicated than that but... the basics, really.)
To be blunt, I'm not really sure how I feel about it. To me, he was an emotionally and mentally abusive asshole who caused a whole lot of issues for my mother, my brother, and myself, over the many years that we all lived with him. (I seriously only managed to move out
last year and let me tell you, it was an absolute beautiful breath of fresh air.)
I honestly hated him for the last few years I was forced to live under his roof (living with your abuser + mental health problems on my end as well, did not make is easy to just... get up and leave. Took a lot of effort and energy unfortunately) and as soon as I moved out I pretty much... stopped having much contact/a relationship with him beyond the occasional thing I had to do whenever I went to their place to visit my mother, or the rare times he'd call me.
I will say, I am currently also crushingly depressed at the same time, but with my mental health and a few other... issues going on in my life, it's a tad bit hard to pinpoint where this depression is coming from. Right now though I'm mostly here to support my mother in things she needs to get done dealing with the afters of his death (cleaning out his stuff, helping her sign paperwork tomorrow for his cremation and such... things like that.) She stayed at our apartment for a few days after he died and we just let her do whatever she needed to do to keep her mind distracted, or let her have someone to cry on/near.
(My brother is an emotional mess in his own way right now, especially since he'd also been dealing with stress from a completely different area/a really nasty breakup. Also he's always been the more emotional of us, while I take after my mom a bit more
and then some. I'm a damn freak I swear.)
I will muddle through things in my own way, but it does mean that I will just... randomly vanish for a while off and on I'm sure because I'll be spending more time with my mother and all that.
(My father's birthday is actually in just over a week; He'd have been 67 this year, then we have Christmas... then my brother's birthday [huzzah for December birthdays/holidays am I right?] Also, in other slightly sad news, my "Uncle" Rick who had been one of my dad's best friends for many many many years had also been very sick and actually died that same morning. My mother found out when she contacted them a few days later to tell them about my dad. I'm pretty sure that had my dad found out about Uncle Rick that day, it probably would have broken/killed him anyways so it's a bit of a small mercy that neither of them knew about the other before they both died.)
Anyways, just that kind of update from me I guess. Don't usually talk about shit like this but some things just need to be said I suppose.
